I recently stumbled upon this article and I can't be anymore thankful for the enlightenment. Knowing myself now, I can admittedly say that I fall into this category and I have always hated myself for it because I saw it as a weakness. But I realized that the more I fight through it, the more I struggle with being myself because it truly is a part of my personality. This will be a long post but I really want to do this and maybe help out other people who are struggling with this as well.
1. QUIT SEARCHING FOR SOMEONE OR SOMETHING TO FIX YOU
And they’re more prone to over stimulation, thus quicker to feel stress — which can lead to other health issues. But sensitivity in itself is not something that needs fixing.
In my older blog, which i'll never link here LOL, I had a post dedicated for yearning for someone to bump into unexpectedly and fix me. Now maybe I could be referring to that as a romantic involvement with someone but i'm pretty sure that ever since I got aware of how I am, in my late teen years I always wanted to meet someone who could fix me. It's weird admitting that now and maybe it's one of the reason why my previous relationship failed because I was always expecting him to make me feel better about myself.
2. TELL YOUR SELF, AS OFTEN AS NECESSARY, THAT YOU ARE NOT A FRAUD
If you’re constantly thinking about who you should be but aren’t, and what you should be doing but can’t, understand that valuing your achievements and signature strengths allows you to show yourself as you truly are, more comfortably — even when you’re the odd one out.
My guilt bucket if filled from pretending to be a tough person. A very few people in my life knows my true personality and that is that I am not a tough person. I'm not a rock who you cannot easily break but instead a bubble that's always ready to pop by itself and I have always found that to be inconvenient in most situations. And that's the reason why I put up this act and disguise myself to being a tough cookie, I still do it mainly because I find it embarrassing for everyone to know especially for people who won't understand.
But this year, I promised to be more honest with myself, because the thing with my pretension is that I do it to myself too. As crazy as it sounds, I psych myself up everyday and tell myself that i'm tough and mask my emotions within myself and hope that by doing that, I would change. And you know what, it's been years and I still don't feel any different about it, so what's the point in pretending to myself? I want to take small steps and start with myself and also with the few people who are important in my life.
3. SEEK OUT KINDRED SPIRITS (AND KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE)
You probably feel different and alone. But the truth is, you’re not. Many have experienced confusion in isolation before discovering that hordes of people have some idea of what it’s like to be you.
I have always wanted to meet someone who I can relate to for being this way. And yes, I feel alone and different most of my life with others and that's also a reason why I feel the need to disguise myself. It would make me so happy to meet someone and just be like my 100% with.
4. LOOK FOR THE HIDDEN POSITIVITY IN EVERY SITUATION AND SOAK IT UP
As a highly sensitive person, the more negative the environment, the more you suffer. But the opposite is also true — the more positive, the more you thrive (even compared to others).
This one is very difficult for me, as I am a pessimist. I absorb all the negative things around me and never let it go. I am very aware of this and it is exhausting. Sometimes I wish I could just turn my brain off whenever i'm in a negative environment as it triggers my overthinking and anxiety. The one thing I hate from this is that whenever I get massive anxiety and it takes over my brain, is my, "shivering episodes". This is a physical sensation I get whenever I get anxious, I bring anxiety to sleep and wake up, literally shivering, nothing too extreme just something I cannot control and after I feel like every muscle in my body aches.
But now, I do try, I try to shake off negative thoughts and try to stay away as much as possible from negative people, even the ones I enjoy hanging out with sometimes. I try to be more positive, see the positivity in situations and be around with positive minded people, this is something that I haven't used to doing yet but i'm there and i'm starting.
5. FIND NEW SPINS IN OLD FLAWS
Your gifts of sensitivity include deep reflection and an instinct to see all angles and consequences. But by being so deeply tuned in to details, you’re easily overwhelmed and exhausted by unyielding stimulation. And when you don’t understand why you feel and behave in the ways you do, it’s easy to frame these as flaws.
I am a very compassionate person even the smallest things, touch my heart. For example, whenever I pass by a very old person picking up trashes or doing hard work makes me so sad and wonder how unfortunate of them to need to do those things, I wish I was rich so I can build up a home for every old people who can't afford to have a comfortable life.
I have always thought of my compassion as a flaw because there are times when people who knows this take advantage of it, that's why I started to hide basically everything for myself. But being used and being called at is a part of everyone's life; some people are just mean and unaware but it shouldn't make myself feel the need to hide my true self just because of that. I still believe my compassion could help people and make them feel better and that should be enough to be myself.
6. TREAT YOURSELF WITH COMPASSION
As a highly sensitive person you are deeply compassionate. So much so that putting others’ comfort and needs before your own is second nature. On top of that, you’re often your own biggest critic. You push yourself hard, and then you beat up on yourself when you miss the mark. You criticize yourself in ways you’d never dream of judging others.
Loving myself has always been a big issue for me and as a result I always end up putting myself on the far end of the stick while seeking validation from other people. It has been that way for the longest of time but I have realized that not loving myself will always hinder me from being the better version of myself and so this is the first thing I must change.
7. CREATE HEALTHY BOUNDARIES, NOT RIGID EMOTIONAL WALLS
As a highly sensitive person your reflex reaction may be to freeze up or struggle to toughen up. You build walls to shield yourself from hurt … Emotional walls, such as suppressing feelings or creating dramatic turmoil to distract from the real causes of pain. Physical walls, such as piling on layers of weight to hide behind. Mental walls, such as tuning out with alcohol or drugs.
Creating dramatic turmoil is second nature to me, I have always had a hard time expressing emotions that shows how sensitive I can easily get. I don't know how telling someone that they have cause me emotional pain feels so taboo but resorting to a not so fun emotional charade needs to stop being an option.
8. TUNE IN TO YOUR BODY (TO AVOID SEESAWING TO EMOTIONAL EXTREMES)
If you have a habit of hiding from feelings or passing the point of overwhelm, learn to recognize your body’s subtle signs of overstimulation. You’ll spend less time being thrown out of balance, and more time swaying gently within your nervous system’s range of optimal arousal.
I remember the first time I was in a situation where I got overstimulated, I feel so drained even though I was just listening to a friend talking, it felt bizarre. I ignored it until I realized that going out in crowds, being around energetic people for a long period of time, being in a place that makes me uncomfortable, and what not, all caused me to feel extremely tired. Of course I couldn't prevent scenarios like that from happening but I have come to recognize my body's limitation and from there I work with what I have; I excuse myself from a conversation, I leave the party early, I familiarize myself in situations i'm not used to. And by doing those practices, it has helped me be more open to uncomfortable experiences.
9. DOING HEALTHY HABITS THAT FIT YOUR UNIQUE NEEDS
Eventually, it all catches up with you. Grueling hours at work, followed by hard sweat at the gym and keeping on top of chaos around home — all fueled by crappy diets and minimal sleep or downtime. It’s an easy trap to fall into because you’re simply living the way you see most people get by on.
My current life situation doesn't really involve me with much interaction but I do get to be with people who suck the energy out of me so I make it a point to have a quiet time for myself everyday and by doing this, it helps me be in touch with my inner self. I have also been exercising as much as I can, I even enrolled in a gym, making sure to schedule it when there are barely any people around because I prefer to concentrate on my workout.
10. STOP SMOTHERING YOUR SENSITIVITY
This self-protective mechanism might fool your conscious mind, but it doesn’t fool your sensitive body. This oozes into your health, your relationships, your career, every aspect of your life … or, it builds tension inside until something has to give.
At one point in my life I actually did this because I thought that changing my mindset would eventually change how I am but everything went out of whack and I lost control of myself, it was a dark time for me and I did learn a lot about myself with that experience. And now I know that there are somethings that you just have to learn to live with and accept that people who are meant to be in your life will be there and accept you no matter what you are.
“And those who were seen dancing were thought insane by those who could not hear the music.”
― Nietzsche
I can't express enough how this article helped me out to recognize the strengths despite the challenges that comes from being a sensitive person. I hope that this could be a help for you too as it has been for me and remember to always love yourself.
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